The Autumn of Shone

Today is the last week of October. It is still in Autumn, the leaves still fall down, they are still yellowish.

Yesterday was the Golden October, the weather was not cold, warm with the sunshine.

On Monday, the sun shone too. I said to you “I want you to stay with me, more than as a friend”. You replied “no, I can not”.

Last week I just planed, I wanted have a date with you, the beautiful days in Autumn. Romantic and warm in the same time. I wanted the romance, the memory in Autumn, not you.

On Sunday we met. We had fun, were happy, careless, angry and sad. Maybe just me. I still do not want you. Until on Monday, the day when you were gone. I was wanting you, before we live seperate between million of trees, like now.

Let say I have a friend and his name Shone, from a second past verb “Shine”. He was not so shiny like the sun at the first, before I knew that he could calm me like the moon. Even it was dark, his light would light up my days. We liked to meet, to chat, to say jokingly, to be upset, to make video calls, to make phone calls, or just to see each other. “We are close friends, ” he said to me one time, I laughed. Neither agree, nor to deny. I just laughed and asked myself “are we?! I don’t feel we are”. He couldn’t hear what I said to myself, sure. And then on Sunday he said to my flatmate “we know each other maybe around 6 months” and I laughed. Asked myself “really?! I even forget when I met him”. And then he said to his self “I don’t want to have any hope about you, I would be upset, if I lost you. I do not want to lose you.” and repeated to me. I did not laugh. I stupefied and told myself “I own me. I would, if I will”.

That was many weeks ago. And now you lost me in Autumn.

I just wanted to have a date with you, just one day on Sunday, in a perfect day of Autumn. We would walk together through the trees and under the rain of leaves. The sun would shine for us, would have better food ever with a warm cup of your favorite tea and we will talk like we were falling in love. Even we are not, even we would just pretend. I would better pretend as your lover than your friend. Because it is Autumn and you should not betray the most romantic weather. But, you did.

Here I am now, maybe I am sad and sadder when I look through my windows, the Autum is still there. The leaves fall more, turn their color more yellowish, reddish, brownish. This is my sixth Autumn and the saddest one. This is my first time that I miss the winter. The Autumn is still here and would stay with me for awhile. But, you are not.

Good bye, Shone!


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